surrendering

accepting that she had no control was not defeat

in fact it was freeing

for so long she tried to make it all look 

presentable and perfect

there was always a laundry list of things that needed 

to be attended to

and if she could cross them all off by the weeks end

she would feel accomplished

but after a while  

she stopped feeling fulfilled

it never felt like she could attain the hapiness 

eventually the work became greater and more arduous 

the stakes became higher and higher

until one day she just snapped

she couldn't keep the plates spinning anymore

the contorting herself inside and out could no longer

support the cause

so she finally let go

of the insane dance 

and stopped fighting against the flow

she ceased trying to control the outcome

little by little she cleared her plate

of the things in her life that were superfluous 

she let go of the vampires who were sucking her energy

she started to breathe again 

which fueled her inner pilot light

she asked herself 

what makes my heart sing?

where is my passion?

through this life audit she was able to 

uncover her truth 

and discover where she had lost her way

a phoenix occured 

forcing everything to die 

in order for the new to grow

by evaluating  her life she was able 

to plant new seeds of intention

to more closely align with her life's purpose

sowing your passion

sometimes we plant seeds half heartedly 

knowing that there is something more 

calling us

but we can't put our finger on it

so we go along sowing 

the ones that seemingly will produce

the guaranteed harvest

funny when the crops 

fail to produce the ripe and hearty bounty

that we expect to reap

deep inside our soul 

after much analysis

we come to the conclusion

that it's impossible to grow

anything that doesn't have 

your 100% belief behind it

guaranteed or not 

thus learning that taking the risk

to go for the lesser known crop

but with all of your passion to nurture it

you will most likely yeild your reward 

the journey

if you look at her life

you can see patterns

it's not one long marathon 

to the finish line

there are many small sprints

on various terains

sometimes it's raining and cold

leaving her drenched and frozen

other times she is running 

through the hot sand 

getting sunburned 

dreaming of an icy glass of lemonade

ready to plunge into the depths of the ocean

while other times she has the warm winds behind her 

and it all seems effortless

although these sprints are vastly different

they share a common thread

the journey

not the destination

it's never really about where she is going

it's how she gets there

did she survive?

or did she give up?

it doesn't matter what she looks like 

or where she ends up

it's all about the endless journey

that she continues to take

and how commited she is 

to staying in the game of life

your soul knows your remedy

sometimes

you aren't meant to get it

just trust 

that there is something 

much more powerful

directing your life

yes i hear the calls

i see the signs

but its easier to stay

in the same 

safe zone

until that starts 

feeling like the 

free fall

the prison sentence

its funny how 

you can't escape 

what you are meant to do

stop listening to everyone 

elses approach to your life

you are the only healer

that can tune into 

your own life

moon dance

my moods shift with the everchanging phases of the moon

like a mirror that reflects my inner feelings revealingmy true self

like a puppeteer pulling strings of my emotions

waxing and waning with the ocean's tides

i feel captive to the higher power of mother nature

surrendering to la luna, the grande dame of this dance

i am able to flow more easily 

with less friction and disappointment

allowing and accepting that this is our universal clock

which when in alignment with her waxing and waning,

i am able to manifest to my truest potential

being more compassionate 

letting myself be guided to flow with the continuous rhythm

which beats like a drum

sometimes it's so soft I cannot hear anything

then it sounds like a whisper

which becomes a strong voice 

that develops into a loud song

which cannont be ignored

Here lies within the sacred gifts of the constant

changing phases of the moon

like clockwork

from the early phases of the new moon 

designs emerge

ideas are uncovered

seeds of intention are planted

then we nurture these ideas and dreams

as the moon grows larger, 

shining more brightly on our ideas

allowing them to come to the full

moon potential of manifestation

and so this is the beautiful dance of the moon 

which is constantly inviting us 

to syncronize with her rhythm

aligning ourselves with the divine goddess

the fog lay there like a blanket of despair

which end is up?

I can't see through the layers of confusion

what does my heart desire?

Im scared

I am at a crossroads

where does my heart want to lead me ?

One road is the logical choice, 

the way to supporting my family

paying the bills; the conventional, traditional way

A part of me feels like it dies when I go forward on that path

it doesn't feel like my soul's purpose

there isn't as much time anymore to waste

I am being pulled to a higher calling 

which is risky and unplotted

seemingly foolish to the outside world

am I a dreamer? or am I finally being true to my self

and honoring my truth?

selfish I may seem, a fool to others 

but to take the safe road is too confined

I feel stuck and rigid

my breath leaves me and fear sets in

the seemingly safer choice 

becomes a form of death sentence

leaving the less known risky road 

                                                                                                                                    the path to freedom and enlightenment        

Motherhood

Being your guide 

has been an honor

and a challenge

from the moment you came from me

there was a story

not mine

but yours

this is the sobering realization of mothering

it's not about me and my projections

of how I see it all unfolding

I am only a conduit

which brought you 

to human form

yes we look alike

dna has a certain inevitable role to play

and yes I identify with your soul

and your struggles

sensitivity is on the highest decibel

in our wiring

we feel the energy

around us like sponges in an ocean

or moths to a flame

but this is where 

our similarities end 

where I am me

and you are 

uniquely you

this realization of separatness 

is an awesome opportunity 

for growth

to bring me closer to my soul's truth 

and you to yours

we teach one another

through our experiences

when I let go and allow

your truth to unfold

releasing my attachments 

to the outcome

there remains a space

for freedom

sometimes you will take 

the path that seems 

illogical to me

I project my own fears 

onto you and your outcome

my ego takes over and 

tries to convince you 

to take the clearer path

the one with the cozy bed

for you to rest your body on

and the comfortable journey

without the heartache

and the lonely nights

but when I revisit my own choices 

and the many bumpy roads that 

I chose to take

I realize that the lonely times

and awkward moments, 

broken dreams and heartaches

were exactly perfect 

for my illumination

I was the only designer of my life 

that could make the choices to become the 

highest self I could be

with this awareness of my own journey

I am able to find it in my 

heart and soul

to trust

and let go of the reigns of your life

enabling you to

blaze the trails

home

to your beautiful

soul

Remaining Open

Even in the darkness of fear

remain open

trust that the light of day will 

once again shine on your soul

when someone offends you 

try not to close yourself off

from the lesson

don't let your ego 

convince you that 

its better to be in isolation

stay soft, vulnerable 

allow the pain to hurt 

face your fears 

and when you do 

they will pass 

and the warmth of your open heart

will melt away the pain