my daddy

my daddy

taught me about music

he always had it playing in our house

it was never quiet

sometimes it caused a riot

we were always loud

entertaining a crowd

he went to work in a suit

but came home and let loose

poured himself a drink

and in his chair he'd sink

pretending to direct

the most obedient musicians

he'd close his eyes and humm

to the strings the bass and drums

i'll never forget his passion

for tchaikovsky, beethoven and chopin

i would pretend i was a prima ballerina

and dance and prance to gain his attention

yearning for his affection

leaping in all directions

he gave me the strength to reach for the stars

even though some thought i was from mars

he believed in me

and so i was free

to travel far

lonely as a star

but always knowing

my home was warm and glowing

safe and secure for me to return

forever being adored

as his prima ballerina

i love my daddy

and even though he isn't perfect

i forgive his flaws

because in my heart i know

that he loves me so

and that is all that matters

in the end

he is my friend

opaque

i'm fuzzy today

not much to say

rain is pouring down

turning everything brown

feel like somethings missing

but i can't put my finger on it

just am having trouble motivating

you know the days when your jeans dont fit?

and you have difficulty focusing

i'm not in my skin

and i can't seem to win

want to crawl back into bed

and empty the thoughts from my head

start fresh tomorrow

and erase all the sorrow

no need to panic

things will get brighter

and then i will feel lighter

imbalanced

Guiltily sitting in comfort appreciating the beauty and bounty that surrounds me. Wondering how and why our world is so disproportionate. Food being wasted in every home and restaurant, while people are living on the streets of our own perfect little town, waiting in the soup kitchen line. Children in far away lands starving their way to death while my son reaches for another bag of chips. Women purposefully starving themselves to fit into the latest "skinny" jeans which cost their weeks paycheck. While another woman suffers silently at home binging in the middle of the night stuffing her fears down deeper into her gut not feeling that she deserves the love that she craves.

I look through the latest fashion magazines and see anorexic beauty mentoring my teenage daughter. Catching her studying her thighs fearing they are too "flabby". Who can actually afford the clothing , handbags, impossibly treacherous stilletos, and rare jewels that they advertise? Who are these people that can actually live that dream of perfection? The starving socialites who bought the dream, while their wealthy banker husbands have affairs with the voluptuous nannies that they hired? I know that was harsh and cliche but it isn't too far from the truth. In this disgracefully imbalanced world that separates the "haves" from the "have nots" there is an old myth of perfection which we keep perpetuating. The obsessive compulsive magazine editors and unrealistic designers and stylists who believed the Cinderella story. Most of them come from nothing and have managed to claw their way to the "top" of the fashion world to feel their power and dominate the weak. I know because I was a model during my youth and I so deeply remember the insecurity and loneliness and lack of love which I felt in that world of "beauty".

Somehow the business is still able to draw in the beautiful youth because they are naive and the shimmer on the surface blinds you from the actual cold decay which lies beneath. And when you finally see it for what it really is, you are not the "right" vision of beauty anymore. Athletic healthy tall girls aren't in anymore, now it's all about "heroin chic". "The Cars" are out and now "Nirvana" rules.

Tyra Banks, a former model is now the symbol to our young girls of what it "takes" to be a model. I can't tell you how disappointed and ashamed I am of her. She is perpetuating the madness and the hypocrisy of that world. She is laughing her way to the bank, at the cost of these girls lives. Then she has a talk show ala "Oprah" to deal with the "real" issues which she contributed to in the first place. I don't know how she sleeps at night!

I pray for healing, humility, love and acceptance of what is natural beauty.

Authenticity

A wish can change your life.....

dream, focus, meditate on what you want

who you want to be

how you want to feel

the difference you want to make

imprint your soul on the earth

find your perfume which is completely unique from any other being on earth

neroli, rose, jasmine, pine, eucalyptus, mandarin, patchouli, gardenia, amber, musk, ginger

burnt wood, vanilla........

commit to yourself and be authentic to your desires

don't doubt or fear anything

trust that you are where you are supposed to be

learning what you are meant to know

to enhance you on your journey to being what you envision

if it is a positive dream it will come true

because if you are fulfilled so shall the people that love you