It’s the end of another year

Looking back on it all I’m wondering what it means

The years pass faster and faster

People are entering the world and leaving like

The breath that moves in and out of my body

Some pass easily, quietly in their sleep

Transitioning from the soft sheets to the wings of their angels

Others are in so much pain they try anything to escape

Their sadness, planning their exit, leaving behind the people that Love them to hold their pain, forever with a dagger in their hearts

Some of us have time, a warning to prepare for our passing, although it is

An option full of fear and suffering through the medieval practices of modern

Medicine, however, we are at least able to prepare our loved ones and ourselves

For the end.

And then there is the horrific accident that takes us quickly but violently, shocking our loved ones who will forever replay the tapes over and over in

Their heads like a recurring nightmare.

So the flowers die………………..the sun sets…………….but the stars shine …………

And the moon is full of the promise of a new day that is rising on the other side of the world.

Somewhere in the darkness there is a mother pushing a new life out of her

To begin a new journey of hope, love and connection.

Forever imprinting their soul in our hearts.

forgiveness

it is so much easier to forgive
than to harbor ill feelings
we are not perfect
and we make unconcious choices
from time to time
if we didn't make mistakes
why are we here?
we are living this life
to grow and improve
become more and more conscious
and aware of our actions
using compassion and understanding
to forgive
you hurt my feelings so i pulled away
toughened up trying to heal myself
but somehow the hole was still there
I couldn't fix it
laughter, food ,alcohol, shopping couldn't make it go away
the old ways couldn't heal me
i am thankful that they don't
time to grow up and learn how to communicate
my feelings.......
risking abandonment , your hatred and anger
and resentment
that's a scary lonely place but it is my truth
and i have to honor it
so i prayed for God to take care
and help heal the wounds
help me to forgive
and you to forgive
miraculously what seemed to be the end of something
blossomed into the beginning of a new age
deeper connection , intimacy, saying what we each need
from one another, no more games, or isolation
pure love, trust and understanding that
you have to ride through the storm, sometimes hold
your breath, don't speak, but pray
then suddenly you're on top of the wave and the cool air
flows within and the sun is shining its warm loving arms around you
through the silence and pure intention of love
a new seed was planted and a renewed flame was ignited
we can move ahead now and forgive each other's imperfections
remembering why we are meant for one another

awakening

trying to find myself
finally listening to my voices
not talking myself out of my feelings
letting me be what I am
loving myself enough to know that I deserve
to be cherished and loved
no more apologies for who I am
negative or realistic?
serious or deep?
diva or deserving?

We are all God's children
and the higher power wants us all to
be content
whatever you dream of can be yours
it's simple
no convoluted,twisted,painful sacrifices
just love yourself enough to allow the unknown
to unfold
trust in the darkness of the black panther
that the lightness of the love is on the other side
move through the pain and sadness to dance the tango
of life

why settle in the stagnation and not take the risk to grow?
God put us on this earth to do great things,utilize the gifts
that we are blessed with
be the beautiful being that you are
and teach all of God's children that they too are loved
and cherished

enlightenment

i am feeling stuck in the middle
grey
not black
nor white
it's an uncomfortable place to be
i can't seem to find peace
my mind keeps reminding me
of what i am missing
it makes me feel like a victim
my old ways of soothing myself
are no longer working
i cant seem to shake this unstable
feeling of standing on a wire above
a river of crocodiles
i realize that i have no control
of my future
and my past is behind me
i have to stay in the moment
accepting the sorrow
and loneliness
it will pass if i stay there
not fighting with it
or hiding under my skin
if i allow myself to just be
not trying to distract myself
from my reality
it will change and get better
my heart will soften and i am open
to my brothers and sisters
vulnerable to their hearts
this place in the middle
is a beautiful place to be
it is humility, honesty, acceptance
no running from pain
or chasing after happiness
just being open and soft
flexible and loving

Reverie

looking for a good time
got you on my mind
wishing we could rewind
the memories
of our past
to make more loving choices

when we met it was so fresh
my stomach melted
and my heart ached for you
just to be in your presence
was enough
you were a mystery
that needed to be solved
we had no worries
or responsibilities
no babies to raise
only ourselves
just you and me

looking for a good time
got you on my mind
wishing we could rewind
the memories
of our past
to make more loving choices

now you're off in vegas
with the boys
playing with your toys
running away from reality
checking out for some sanity
and I am home with the babies
feeling alone like I'm on auto pilot
wishing you wanted to be alone
with me to create our own reverie

looking for a good time
got you on my mind
wishing we could rewind
the memories
of our past
to make more loving choices

sun shine down on me
color my world in crimson and fuschia
warm my soul
keep me cozy
needing some loving arms
to hold me tightly
my heart is lonely
i need to melt my fears
and look forward to tomorrow
Help me to go forward
and trust that all will be
the way i dream it to be
i've been in the cold for too long
thinking that i could do it all by my lonesome
getting stiffer and stiffer
by the minute
ready to crack
frozen icicles finally melting from the hot fire
that burns beside me
i can't hold back anymore
you are irresistible
and unforgettable
in my mind all of the time
keeping my soul warm
and hopeful to feel this
beautiful forever

Tiffany

Amber
Musk
Opium
Chanel 5
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
The familiar blue box full of beautiful treasures
Lean & strong like a thoroughbred racehorse
High cheekbones like a squaw
With penetrating almond eyes
A smile like she knows all of your innermost secrets
With dimples that punctuate the exclamation
Silky honey brown caramel hair
Spiritual and intuitive in nature
With a soul that has lived a few million years
Nurturing to all who know her
A warrior for her friends and family
Strives for perfection not realizing that she is already enough
And then some!

Bodhichitta

I was a raw open wound, vulnerable to the universe. Exposed and embarrassed
Fragile in my nakedness
Ashamed of my flaws
Automatically trying to hide and protect myself
from the judgements of my peers
Feeling as if it was only I who suffered
They didn't have the same fears or insecurities

So I built a wall, a shield, a coat of arms
Hardening my heart, isolating myself
from the enemy
Retracting from the world
Angry and resentful
full of jealousy and sadness
Alone on my throne
Regretting what could have been
Feeling sorry for myself

Until by the grace of God one day
something changed
My heart broke
something cracked
and my layers melted away
leaving me raw and vulnerable once more
but this time was different
I wasn't able to lie to myself anymore
No more facades
No one was better or worse than the other
We were all just brothers and sisters
struggling through the same race
Wanting the same simple thing
Love

We had all been hurt, lost, disappointed
broken hearted at one time or another
God loves us all equally
Even though it didn't seem like it
Nothing is what it seems
to one person on the other side it looked so
much better over there
I learned to not wish for their life
because no one had it easy
Acceptance, surrendering and compassion
helped me heal my wounds
Sitting in the uncomfortableness of pain
actually letting myself feel my inadequacies
and allowing it to hurt
not running away from the discomfort

Through these cracks in my heart
and my willingness to just be
and not run away but to stay in the awkward moments
I achieved Bodhichitta, a completely open heart

the night is young
i need some fun
trying to stay together
wearing fur and leather
its cold outside and the air smells like winter's coming
had a rough week and my feelings need some numbing
don't want to feel the pain and sorrow
that will have to wait till tomorrow

the night is young
all i really need is to have some fun
just me and my lover
wanting to take cover
from the harshness of the world's troubles
let's go to the pub and make that a double
make me laugh at your jokes
and help me escape the shadows that are following me

Why?

Why?

Why did this happen?

What could we have done to change things?

Empty, lost, angry, alone

Betrayed

Selfish

Senseless

Isolated

Fear

No more family

Shattered

Never to be what it was ever again

Forever pulling at our hearts wondering,

Why?

if only things had been different

If only we had known how bad things really were

Maybe we could have prevented this horrible ending

He was so alone in his despair

Not sharing his fears

Never reaching out for help

Remaining isolated in his misery

Easier to exit voluntarily

Quickly

Without realizing how loved and adored and important he was

to his wife, children, brothers and sisters, his community

Now there is no turning back

Only an unanswered question

Hanging over our heads like a huge dark ominous cloud

Leaving us to constantly wonder

Why?