Bodhichitta

I was a raw open wound, vulnerable to the universe. Exposed and embarrassed
Fragile in my nakedness
Ashamed of my flaws
Automatically trying to hide and protect myself
from the judgements of my peers
Feeling as if it was only I who suffered
They didn't have the same fears or insecurities

So I built a wall, a shield, a coat of arms
Hardening my heart, isolating myself
from the enemy
Retracting from the world
Angry and resentful
full of jealousy and sadness
Alone on my throne
Regretting what could have been
Feeling sorry for myself

Until by the grace of God one day
something changed
My heart broke
something cracked
and my layers melted away
leaving me raw and vulnerable once more
but this time was different
I wasn't able to lie to myself anymore
No more facades
No one was better or worse than the other
We were all just brothers and sisters
struggling through the same race
Wanting the same simple thing
Love

We had all been hurt, lost, disappointed
broken hearted at one time or another
God loves us all equally
Even though it didn't seem like it
Nothing is what it seems
to one person on the other side it looked so
much better over there
I learned to not wish for their life
because no one had it easy
Acceptance, surrendering and compassion
helped me heal my wounds
Sitting in the uncomfortableness of pain
actually letting myself feel my inadequacies
and allowing it to hurt
not running away from the discomfort

Through these cracks in my heart
and my willingness to just be
and not run away but to stay in the awkward moments
I achieved Bodhichitta, a completely open heart