Friday, November 14, 2014

Why does size matter?

Why are women's bodies constantly being measured against pre pubescent girls?  And why doesn't anyone blow the whistle?  LOUD!!!

Who said we are all supposed to be the same?  There are no two snowflakes, stars or flowers alike and that is what makes them all so beautiful.  Homogenizing our bodies to fit into a size 0 dress is unnecessarily painful.  


Surprisingly with all of our progress as women in the women's movement, we are still adhering to an unhealthy vision of beauty.  I am a 6'3" woman who suffered from rejection( due to my unusual stature ) in the two early occupations of my life.  First I was a ballerina and at 5'10" and still growing at 15 years of age I was forced to quit dance.  The corps de ballet needed to be uniform, each dancer had to mirror each other and there was no room for the lone weed who stuck out like a sore thumb.  I got into modeling at the age of 16 thinking that this would be a natural transition from dance.  Well soon enough I grew to be 5'12" as my agents would joke.  I wasn't allowed to admit my true height because models of my time were only supposed to be 5'10".  Verushka, a famous model from the 1960's was the only model that had made it at the statuesque 6'2".  But this was a fluke and only a handful of models who followed in her footsteps were able to work at that height and none of them ever reached her iconic status. 

The fashion trends of women's bodies has become extreme in every aspect.  Now that we have plastic surgery to achieve the unnatural, the sky is the limit as to how far we can go.  Modern science has enabled us to sculpt, suck, inject, nip and tuck the less "perfect" pieces of ourselves.  Like barbie dolls we can transform ourselves to mimic the most esteemed features of our era.  Almost like carbon copies soon we will all lose our unique features and become one and the same.  (At least externally)

It's funny to me to see the waxing and waning perceptions of what's in and what's out.  In the 80's the glamazon models seemed to be forced into extinction with the dawning of Kate Moss.  She has reigned supreme for the past 20 "heroin chic" years.  Although she opened doors for the more petite beauties of our world, she has innocently directed the collective consciousness of the fashion world.
Another beauty Kate Upton has heroically rocked the standard with her voluptuous curves finally awakening the world to once again embrace the full figure of a woman.

I am hopeful and excited for a new acceptance of all the various proportions of women's bodies.
Less homogeny more uniqueness!  It's going to take a village of strong women to literally model self love and acceptance to stop the madness that is reigning and ruling our media.  As a mother of two young women it is my job to accept myself and be a role model for them to see how it's done.  So I don't own a scale, I speak lovingly about myself dropping the inner critic, wear little make up, and am  trying to age naturally rather than obsessing over the wrinkles that naturally occur at the age of 47.
The beauty of growing old is the wisdom that is gained and the loss of caring what people think of you. Not caring wether my jean size is a 28 or a 32, if I am a dress size 8 or 12.  It doesn't matter what the number is, what does  matter is that you are healthy in the mind body and soul.   It's a huge relief!  

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

phoenix rising

she woke up with questions
for the past few weeks the mode of operating was full systems go
she kept moving forward and was in flow
trusting that things were unfolding as they needed to
there were many parts that needed attention...or not
maybe the trust and detachment needed to kick in again
she felt like she lost touch with her inner pilot light
in the process of change it's difficult to remain on the path of courage, faith and trust
somehow the ego creeps in and has to try and make sense of it all
put it all in a nice perfect package and tie it all in a pretty bow
in an effort to explain the seeming craziness of it all
she realized she wasn't like most of her peers
they craved security and comfort
predictability had become their anchor to a rooted life
why was she such a wanderer?
a seeker of the unknown
she longed for an adventure of not knowing
letting herself be divinely led to the darker corners of the world
the road less travelled
routine had become her unwanted friend
mystery was its replacement
this had become the driving force in her life
she sought out the challenges and welcomed them with open arms
would she regret her choices of letting go of the familiar?
she felt like it would all be good 
the things and people in her life would stay if they were meant to be with her
looking back on her life she had experienced many phoenixes 
and she always grew from those fires
a rebirth always followed giving new life to the overgrown garden

Monday, July 7, 2014

Liberation

listening to myself
is sometimes a very confusing exercise
my busy brain is like a ticker tape
that runs a whole inner dialogue
of shoulds and shouldn'ts
judgements
fears
self loathing
insecurities

for the most part
i am a positive person
but there is a lower level
of shadow that never leaves me
i don't think it ever will

what i have come to understand is 
this is just a part of being human
if i accept these dark feelings 
letting them come almost like
a dinner guest for a limited amount of time
they pass easily 
but if i fight them and deny their existence
they haunt me on an almost obsessive basis

the key to finding inner peace and my true voice
the one that lifts me and encourages me 
to take action towards my dreams 
is to allow the judgements and fears to be as they are
they diminish and hold less weight in my life 

it's like opening a dark closet 
and letting all the skeletons out to come and play
no hiding out
no secrets
no shame

this is true liberation of the soul

Venus

constantly looking for new ways                                                                                                             of viewing the seeming chaos of our world
sometimes the smallest things seem too heavy to hold
we get weighed down by decisions, choices 
unable to take those first few steps 
needed to iniatiate the necessary changes
which are needed in order to grow

trust and faith are the assistants 
we must rely upon on this part of our journey
stillness is also and important component 
because we need to be quiet enough to hear the messages from within 
these intuitive feelings are our guides which lead the way

the Goddesses journey is ruled by Venus
she dances an intricate rythm of love and beauty
never forceful, always receptive 
allowing for all possibilities to reveal themselves
and when the timing feels right 
she takes the leap ready for her journey to unfold

Sunday, June 22, 2014

summer solstice

standing still at the highest peak
fully illuminated 
exposed in all my glory
no shadows to seek shelter in 
facing my soul's desires

feeling like a cat bathing in the warm sun
allowing the fiery rays to penetrate
and envelop my skin
feeling aroused by the masculine power
which activates my soul to dance
nourishing my passion
to manifest my truth

i feel the clarity and focus
which i've been dreaming of                                                                        
the wheel turned my dreams into reality
the absolute undeniable truth 
of the sun's magnificent power
reveals my inner most fantasies 
leaving me naked 
ready to take flight
to my soul's destination
home to the new nest which awaits me
ready to pursue the next challenge

i linger awhile before i fully leap
to savor this fruitful moment where
i can look back from where i came
out of the darkness
the seed has germinated and grown sturdy roots
there is a solid foundation of self 
that i can connect with in times of doubt
this is the apex of my journey 
where i am connecting with the sun
storing up its energy 
soaking in the confidence, joy and power
which i will need in the darker days that inevitably come

as this beautiful dance between the sun and the moon 
continues to flow
it is time to be led 
during the summer solstice
by the masculine energy
i know it in my cells to surrender and receive
the nurturing love that is enveloping me 
that desires so much to help me at this point in my journey
i can no longer covet my dreams keeping them anonymous
i am being found
rescued from the shadows of indecision and fear

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

good bye judge

sitting here
wondering whether 
i'm doing this right
why am i judging myself?
there is no right or wrong
ego needs to shut up
my soul is driving this body
i'm listening to my heart
it's gentler and feels better
i relax when i let go of the fear
and allow my ego to fade into the background
the shadows lift 
and the light shines through my soul
piercing my cold heart
with a new flush of hot blood
waking up my aching bones
lubricating my body
to flex and twist
going where the wind takes me
pulling my hand and leading me 
to a miraculous place of peace within

you are where you need to be


This place where you are right now,

God circled on a map for you.” 
― حافظ


you are where you are 
for a reason

God has placed 
all of the people in your life
to mirror your soul
in order to draw out 

what is within

you can't press the hold button 
and hideout

there's no playing small
forgetting what you are here for

our only work here
is to be our whole selves

don't check out
numb up 
dumb down
letting fear drive you

be still 
wake up 
listen 
see 
the magnificence 
of yourself

be alone 
follow your heart
do the seemingly strange 
unexplainable things

it doesn't matter 
or have to make sense
to anyone

God has gifted you
with the blessings of 
your uniqueness

the only failure 
that can ever be
is if you fail to 
follow your dreams