the dance between darkness and light

getting clearer

ready to stop numbing

my heart is pumping 

in sync with the music

that is flowing 

my life is so busy 

too many choices and distractions

pulling at my heart strings

making my brain feel heavy

nervous to make a wrong move

what if i fuck it all up

what if my kids are getting screwed up

am i too selfish to want my own space

why do i just want to pull the covers over my head

and hide?

just breathe in through my mouth

and exhale out the worry

sometimes i wish i was a kid again

no real concrete choices yet

that lock you into a smaller box

only dreams of what might be

free to travel the world

no commitments 

no demands on my time

no need for rose colored glasses

it feels like those days are coming to an end

so many responsibilities 

financial strains and restrictions

snuff out my fire

withholding me from exploring my passions

am i normal to feel this way?

depression follows me like a black shadow

why?

I have so much to be grateful for 

the guilt that i feel right now for even thinking 

these thoughts of lack just make me feel lonelier

marriage is a struggle

as comforting as it can be to have a partner

it's also a challenge to keep it fresh

we've been through so much together

shared tears of joy, raging fights, laughs so hard we've cried

i guess this is just the ebb and flow of life

when one door closes another one opens

i've experienced this many times

as horrible as i can feel one day,

the next day i want to bottle my elation 

to remember to hold on tightly 

when i feel as i do today

alone and lost

a resolution

i get it

just let it 

flow

you can say no

if you dont like

the way something makes you feel

there is a way to stay real

you may be scared 

to be alone

but its better

to feel proud 

of who you are

than to fill your time with annoying chatter

Gossip is poison

giving those who spread it 

a distraction from their own inadequacies

it's like a drug that they have to keep taking

for fear of facing themselves

to realize, like their victim

they too are sinners

nobody is perfect

we all falter

from time to time

but to admit it and stand in it

you will learn and grow

which is the reason we are all here

on this planet 

to work through our weaknesses

and break the patterns

that have been woven by our ancestors

through the centuries prior

so let this new year teach you 

slow down and look inside

what are you trying to hide?

you are not alone

we are all one people 

facing our fears 

everyday 

so find your sunshine in your soul 

and radiate your warmth 

to a stranger 

you are a gift that god created

and you must share your love

to all

surrender

racing to create

impatient can't wait

don't want to lose a minute

trying hard to not sweat it

but the clock is ticking

and nothing is sticking

what is it all about?

want to scream and shout

feeling kind of scared

all the things we've shared

looking for the meaning

and all the love comes streaming

my heart is open

willing to go deeper than i've ever been

feeling kind of nauseous

afraid of the raucous

that is stirring within

burning to begin

a new path

without the wrath

full of spiritual fulfillment

love , peace and enjoyment

phoenix

one hundred years of history

melted one night

leaving a shell of memories

i saw her one rainy day

at her ugliest

an open wound

rotting calling my name

save me from decay

resurrect me from the fray

a romantic at heart

willing to make a fresh start

i fell under her spell

a restoration

is an understatement

advised to bulldoze

i couldn't do it

who was i to destroy

the history

so i took the long road

loved her so

saving every possible inch

fighting for her glory

loving every minute of it

even when we were off budget

now she is shining

on top of the riviera

overlooking the sea

smiling and dancing

waiting for new adventures

family tears and laughter

a new century

but still the same

heart beating

a phoenix has occurred

and i was a part of it

for that i am proud

Lose the ego

holding back the tears

facing my fears

trying to stay strong

for my children

not losing it

trying to keep it even

whilst wanting to escape

to some exotic place

where no one knows my face

holding the chalk board

wanting to erase

all the mess

how did we get into this

so deep

i can't keep making it pretty

my smile doesn't come naturally

i am only human

not a super hero

morale is less than zero

why don't you see the beauty

be grateful for the gifts

let go of the toys

and the bad boys

stop and smell the roses

focus on the love

leave behind your ego

and accept the loss

trust and have faith that God is full of grace

boats, cars, houses, jobs

are temporary

family is always and forever

health is a choice

letting go is the lesson

look around you and see

just how blessed you are

richer than any billionaire

the sun shines so brightly on you

but you are blind

stuck in the shadows of ego

i pray you will let it go

and finally be grateful for the journey

no one is free of pain

it is the dance that tempts us

but if we trust

then we shall grow and finally be free

dig deep inside your soul

look at your makers

and learn from their mistakes

have compassion and empathize

but don't be a martyr

be smarter

you can carve your own way

and teach your children

what you have learned

be a better man

i know you can

Keep it Simple

staying sane in an insane world

seemingly impossible with all of the distractions and information flying at me

trying to keep it simple

too many choices

but i hear their voices whispering in my ear

telling me to keep it simple

materialism leads to vandalism

not appreciating the essence of life

sweet simplicity

ignites electricity

within the soul

inspiring me to be free

free from the choices

which lead to toxicity

spoiled self centered souls

preoccupied with possessions

leading to depression

sinking deep down to the bottom

without hope or faith that

tomorrow holds the key

and the sun will shine again

trusting that God and the universe

provide for all

if you believe that there is enough

there will be

so here is the key

hold it to your heart

and if you could only start to trust

without distractions and addictions clouding your mind

strip away the make up

and wake up to a new day

that awaits you

vacation

a pause from reality

time to inhale the beauty of life

and exhale the toxins of day to day

fears disintegrate

sun shines all day

time to dream

and explore

reinvent yourself

change your path

discover your inner desires

shed the scabs and heal the wounds

just you and mother nature

the sea, sun, sand, crabs, mosquitos, candles

breezes, palm trees, coconuts......mangos

siestas.......margaritas..........wild horses

laughter..........surfin.......dancing

life is full of joy

and sorrow

but that can wait

till tomorrow

today I will Carpe Diem

taste the sweetness

the nectar of love

that surrounds us

run naked

without armour

no protection needed

only open hearts

are welcome on this island

no judgement

only acceptance

god bless all the creatures that live

authentically

infinity awaits our dreams

so throw your wishes into the ocean

and trust that they will manifest

when god thinks it best

amen