you are where you need to be

This place where you are right now,

God circled on a map for you.” 

― حافظ

you are where you are 

for a reason

God has placed 

all of the people in your life

to mirror your soul

in order to draw out 

what is within

you can't press the hold button 

and hideout

there's no playing small

forgetting what you are here for

our only work here

is to be our whole selves

don't check out

numb up 

dumb down

letting fear drive you

be still 

wake up 

listen 

see 

the magnificence 

of yourself

be alone 

follow your heart

do the seemingly strange 

unexplainable things

it doesn't matter 

or have to make sense

to anyone

God has gifted you

with the blessings of 

your uniqueness

the only failure 

that can ever be

is if you fail to 

follow your dreams

your soul knows your remedy

sometimes

you aren't meant to get it

just trust 

that there is something 

much more powerful

directing your life

yes i hear the calls

i see the signs

but its easier to stay

in the same 

safe zone

until that starts 

feeling like the 

free fall

the prison sentence

its funny how 

you can't escape 

what you are meant to do

stop listening to everyone 

elses approach to your life

you are the only healer

that can tune into 

your own life

the dance between darkness and light

getting clearer

ready to stop numbing

my heart is pumping 

in sync with the music

that is flowing 

my life is so busy 

too many choices and distractions

pulling at my heart strings

making my brain feel heavy

nervous to make a wrong move

what if i fuck it all up

what if my kids are getting screwed up

am i too selfish to want my own space

why do i just want to pull the covers over my head

and hide?

just breathe in through my mouth

and exhale out the worry

sometimes i wish i was a kid again

no real concrete choices yet

that lock you into a smaller box

only dreams of what might be

free to travel the world

no commitments 

no demands on my time

no need for rose colored glasses

it feels like those days are coming to an end

so many responsibilities 

financial strains and restrictions

snuff out my fire

withholding me from exploring my passions

am i normal to feel this way?

depression follows me like a black shadow

why?

I have so much to be grateful for 

the guilt that i feel right now for even thinking 

these thoughts of lack just make me feel lonelier

marriage is a struggle

as comforting as it can be to have a partner

it's also a challenge to keep it fresh

we've been through so much together

shared tears of joy, raging fights, laughs so hard we've cried

i guess this is just the ebb and flow of life

when one door closes another one opens

i've experienced this many times

as horrible as i can feel one day,

the next day i want to bottle my elation 

to remember to hold on tightly 

when i feel as i do today

alone and lost