getting clearer
ready to stop numbing
my heart is pumping
in sync with the music
that is flowing
my life is so busy
too many choices and distractions
pulling at my heart strings
making my brain feel heavy
nervous to make a wrong move
what if i fuck it all up
what if my kids are getting screwed up
am i too selfish to want my own space
why do i just want to pull the covers over my head
and hide?
just breathe in through my mouth
and exhale out the worry
sometimes i wish i was a kid again
no real concrete choices yet
that lock you into a smaller box
only dreams of what might be
free to travel the world
no commitments
no demands on my time
no need for rose colored glasses
it feels like those days are coming to an end
so many responsibilities
financial strains and restrictions
snuff out my fire
withholding me from exploring my passions
am i normal to feel this way?
depression follows me like a black shadow
why?
I have so much to be grateful for
the guilt that i feel right now for even thinking
these thoughts of lack just make me feel lonelier
marriage is a struggle
as comforting as it can be to have a partner
it's also a challenge to keep it fresh
we've been through so much together
shared tears of joy, raging fights, laughs so hard we've cried
i guess this is just the ebb and flow of life
when one door closes another one opens
i've experienced this many times
as horrible as i can feel one day,
the next day i want to bottle my elation
to remember to hold on tightly
when i feel as i do today
alone and lost
