today although it's beautiful and sunny
i feel wrestless
emotional
dark
sad
guilty for feeling this way
i have no reason to be low
but there is a nagging pull
i can barely sit here and get this off my head
and on to paper
where does this urge for more come from
i never seem to be satiated
my appetite is gargantuan
i don't like to visit my shadow side
i fear there will be no return
the spoiled brat child
is my most embarrassing facet
ashamed to be her
or even entertain the thought of her
makes me uncomfortable in my skin
but she is a part of me
i cannot deny the scared little girl
who doesn't want to be alone
needs attention and love
is she so awful to spend some time with?
maybe if i do she will leave me alone again for a while
its seems that when i run away from my lonely girl
and ignore her she only gets more in my head
and visits me in my dreams
i can't escape her demands
until i am able to accept my vulnerable parts
and allow these feelings to flow
i will continually be haunted by them
perfection is my affliction
and my addiction
participation 100 % in life
leaves no room for being perfect
it's messy, ugly, and sometimes humiliating
we get sick, make mistakes, start fights
get wrinkles, lose our hair
gain weight, get stretchmarks
i am trying to move from perfection to acceptance
not an easy task but the way of life is simpler and easier
it helps me to see the truth and be the truth
some days are brighter than others
and the answers all seem to magically appear
but more often than not it is a daily struggle and choice
to let go of my need to know the answers
and trust that the universe has a plan
and that i am a vessel with a gift
that is here to share it
