seeds of change

i'm holding the tiniest seeds in my hand

visualizing growth and beauty

trusting that the soil is rich enough

trying to plant them far enough apart 

not too deep but protected 

patience is paramount

there is no guarantee of fulfillment

just the day to day devotion

nurturing with water and sunshine

dutifully attentive

a day at a time

with the hopes of some day 

a harvest

transformation

my skin has shed

the shell is gone

nowhere to hide

raw

pores wide open

to feel

the beauty

the fear

the sadness

the loneliness

the inadequacies

the awkwardness

accepting who i am

nurturing my weaknesses

exposing myself to the unknown

hoping to cross the boundaries

from safety to ecstasy

trusting the plan

being the student

who in turn

will someday

teach

the glass is half empty

its a gray day
the sun is hidden
my head is splitting open
my heart is so lonely
the tears could flood the desert
where is my god
my lover's fear has bullied me
reminding me i am alone
trapped by others feelings
dependent upon their happiness
unable to connect to my own
the boundaries are indiscernible
who am i? 
what will make me satisfied?
they tell me nothing will bring me peace
i have to find it within
some days are easy
it all flows
my children win their battles
the sun shines
my lover laughs and holds me
i believe the world is my oyster
there are endless possibilities 
calling my name
inspiring me to pursue the 
seemingly impossible
i radiate love and compassion
not so for today
i feel defeated
weak
sad
lonely
out of control
hopeless
want to pull up the covers and hide
let someone else do it all
give up my worries 
be an innocent child again
with my blank palette
ready to paint my destiny
with rainbow light
deep blue oceans
shimmering stars 
jumping fish
swaying trees
overgrown gardens
warm breezes
visualizing peace
love
happiness 
fulfillment
when the glass is overflowing